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解读孩子的“心病” 想要改变孩子家长先要变一变
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解读孩子的“心病” 想要改变孩子家长先要变一变


作者:朱颖 艾丹…    文章来源:中青网    点击数:    更新时间:2010-12-10
昨天(11日),“教育聊吧”和下城区教育研发中心联合举行了一次心理辅导座谈活动,不少家长闻讯赶来取经。对于家长们“我孩子问题很多”的说法,几位专业的心理辅导老师特别指出,我们习惯了把特别调皮捣蛋或者特别不服管的孩子称作“问题学生”,其实绝大部分孩子都是正常孩子,很多“问题”都是由我们大人教育方法、教育观念的不当催化而成的,要解决“问题”,首先要改变我们的教育方法和教育观念。 

  FANGFAPIAN 

  NO.1 ZHAOZHAOLIWAI 

  WUQUAN(MINGZHUJIAOYUJITUAN):WANDIANNAOYOUXI,ZAIHENDUOJIAZHANGKANLAISHIGE“WANJI”。WOYOULIANGGELIJIE:YIMISHANGYOUXIDEHAIZIWANGWANGSHIMISHANGLEYOUXIDAIJITADECHENGJIUGAN,YIGUANYOUYIGUAN,DOURANGZIJIJIZHENGFULE,SHISHISHANGZHEIYANGDECHENGJIUGANKEYIZHUANYI,JIUYAOKANJIAZHANGZHAOBUZHAODEDAOTUPOKOULE;ERWANGWANGSHIJIAZHANGBAHAIZITUIXIANGYOUXIFANGDE,YOUDEJIAZHANGKENENGHENWEIQU,WOMEITIANGUANTACHIGUANTASHUI,ZENMEHUIBATAXIANGWAITUINI。ZHEISHIHOU,WOJIANYIJIAZHANGZHAOZHAO“LIWAI”XIANXIANG:SHENMESHIHOUTABUWANDIANNAOYEKAIXINDE?ZUIYOUDAIBIAOXINGDEHUIDASHI,QIANJINIANWOPEIERZIDAGUOYICILANQIU,NEISHIHOUTAHAOXIANGTINGKAIXINDE;WODAITACHUMENLVYOUGUOYICI,NEISHIHOUTAMEIPENGGUODIANNAO。SHUODAODI,HAISHIJIAZHANGHEHAIZIDEYUANJINQINSHUWENTI。 

  HAIZIYOUXIEJIDUANDEXINGQUAIHAOLINGJIAZHANGTOUTONG,ZHEISHIHOUBUFANGZHAOZHAO“LIWAI”,NEIGELIWAIKENENGJIUSHIYIGEYOUXIAOZHUANYIDIAN。 

  NO.2 XUEHUIDENGDAI 

  XUDAIYUE(CHUNLEIZHONGXUE):WOTEBIEXIANGJIANGYIGEGUSHI,ZHEISHIMEIGUODIANTAIZHUCHIRENHEYIGESHISUINANHAIDETANHUAJIEMU。ZHUCHIRENWENNANHAI“NIZHANGDALEXIANGZUOSHENME”,HAIZIDA“FEIXINGYUAN”。ZHUCHIRENYUSHIJIASHELEYICHANGSHIGU,“RUGUONIKAIDEFEIJITURANMEIYOULE,YOUBUZUYIXIAJIANGDAORENHEYIGEJICHANG,ZHEISHIHOUNIZENMEBAN”,HAIZIXIANGLEYIHUIERHUIDA:“WOHUITONGZHICHENGKEXIHAOANQUANDAI,RANHOUZIJIJIEZHUJIANGLUOSANDANCHUJICANG”,ZHEISHITINGZHONGDOUXIAOLE。ZHEISHIHOU,ZHUCHIRENWENZHUXIANCHANGQIFENYOUZHUIWENLEYIJU“NITIAOCHUQULE,NEIMECHENGKEZENMEBAN”,HAIZIHENWEIQU:“WOSHIQUZHAOYOUDE,ZHAODAOYOUHUIDAOFEIJISHANG,DAIZHEDAJIAJIXUFEI”!——ZHEIJIUSHIHAIZIDESIWEI,KENENGYOUBEICHANGLI,QUEBINGWUEYI。XUEHUIDENGDAI,BAHAIZIDEHUATINGWAN,SHIQINGTINGDEZHONGYAOSUZHI! 

  WENGYANYAN(CHAOHUIZHONGXUE):QISHIHAIZIZUORENHESHIQING,DOUYOUZIJIDELIYOU,YOUZIJIDEGUANDIANHEXIANGFA。ZHEIGELIYOUKENENGBENYISHIHAODE,DANDARENWANGWANGDENGBUDAO,JIUJIYUQUXIADINGLUN,GAOSUTASHICUODE。HAIZIBEIQINGYIDIXIALEPANDUAN,YUSHIZIJIYELAIBUJIQUHUIGUZUICHUDELIYOUJIUJINGSHISHENME。HOUGUOSHI,ZHANGCIYIWANG,HAIZIYELANDEBIAODAZIJIDEXINSHENGLE。BUZHIDAOHAIZIXINLIXIANGSHENMEDEFUMU,XUYAOBUSHANGZHEIYIKE。 

  NO.3 DANHUAQUEDIAN 

  FENGZHUOHENG(CHAOHUISHIYANXIAOXUE):NVERDEBANZHURENYOUYIJUZUOYOUMINGHENLINGWOGANDONG:CUOWUSHIMEILIDE,RANGHAIZIZAICUOWUZHONGCHENGZHANG。DAIZHEZHEIYANGDELIJIELAIKANDAIHAIZIZAICHENGZHANGGUOCHENGZHONGDEKEKEBANBAN,KENENGJIUBUSHIJIAOLV、FENNU、BUNENGRONGRENDEXINQINGLE。YINCI,ZAIJIAOYUNVERDEWENTISHANG,WOJINGCHANGDUIZIJISHUO,JIDEYAOQIANGHUATADEYOUDIAN,DANHUATADEQUEDIAN:DANGFAXIANHAIZIDEYIDIANSHANGUANGDIAN,JIAZHANG、LAOSHIYIQIBATAKUODA,NENGGOUXINGCHENGYIZHONG“HAOSHANGJIAHAO”DEGUANGMANG;ERQIANGHUAHAIZIDEQUEDIAN,NISHUOTANAFANGMIANBUHAO,TAJIUHENKENENGZHENDEBUHAOLE,ERQIEHENNANGAIZHENGGUOLAI。 

  BIRU,NVERHANJIAAISHUILANJUE,YUSHIWOYINQUMINGZI,BAZHEISHINADAOBANJIQQQUNSHANGTAOLUN,HAOJIWEIJIAZHANGTIDAOLEZIJIHAIZIDEHAOXIGUAN,WOBALIAOTIANJILUNAJINVERKAN,NVERDIERTIANJIUQILEGELAOZAO。ZHEIMEYIDIANXIAOBIANHUA,WOJUEDEYOU“KUODA”DEBIYAO,WOSHANGWANGYOUFALEYIGETIEZI,GAOSUDAJIANEIGEAISHUILANJUEDENVHAIJIUSHIWONVER,DANSHITAYOULEGAIBIAN,BUJINQIZAO,HAIBANGMAMAZUOJIAWULE。NVERHENZAIYIZHEIYANGDEBIAOYANG,QICHUANGZIJUEDUOLE。 

  LINGWAIYIGELIZISHIWODEYIGEJIAOXUN,NVERKANDAOWODETONGSHIBUAIJIAOREN,WOHENNANWEIQING,ZHIHAOBANGTADAYUANCHANG:ZHEIHAIZIHENDANXIAODE,TALIANYEYENAINAIDOUBUKENJIAODE。JIEGUOWUYIZHONGFANERQIANGHUALETABUAIJIAORENDEXIGUAN。 

  NO.4 ZIRANXIAOTUI 

  XUDAIYUE:WOMENJIAZHANGYAOSHANYUQUXUEXIHEFAXIAN,ZAIHAIZIDEXINGWEIYUYANBEIHOUDAODISHISHENMESHISHI。YOUDEHAIZIYISHENGBING,CHANGCHANGBANGEYUEYIGEYUEZONGHAOBULE;YOUXIEXIAOXUESHENGHENXIHUANYAOSHOUZHIYAOBI,QISHIZHEIBEIHOUDOUNENGZHAODAOXINLISHANGDEYUANYIN,HENDUOSHIHOUSHIGUANAIQUESHIDEYIZHONGBIAOXIAN,JIAZHANGYAOXUEYIXIEXIANGGUANDEZHISHI。BIRUYAOBI,BIRUKOUCHI,HAIZIFAXIAN,ZHEISHIHOUNIZUIGUANZHUTA,SUOYINIYUEZAIYI,TAJIUYUELAIJING;ZHEISHIHOURUGUONIBUJIAYILIHUI,BAHAIZIDEZHUYILIYINDAODAOQITAXINGQUSHANG,ZIRANERRAN,HAIZIJIUHUIWANGLEZHEIHUISHI,ZHEIZHONGFANGFAJIAOZUO“ZIRANXIAOTUI”。 

  NO.5 ZHENCHENGJIAOLIU 

  WUQUAN:XUDUOHAIZIXUEYESHANGPENGDAOQILUOSHI,JIAZHANGJIUCHENGZHIWEI“WENTI”。JULIANGGEYOUDAIBIAOXINGDELIZI:HAIZIZHONGKAOCHAOCHANGFAHUIJINLEHANGERZHONG,ERZHONGGAOSHOURUYUN,ZHEISHIHOURUGUOJIAZHANGXINTAIBUFANGPING,TIYAOQIU,TANQIWANG,HAIZIZAIZHEIZHONGJINGZHENGHUANJINGZHONGJIUHENNANBASHANGSHENGDEYOUSHIBAOCHIXIAQU;LINGYIZHONGQINGKUANG,SHENGSHANGCHUZHONGHOU,MEIZHUAZHUXUEXIFANGFA,HAIZIYIXIAZIHENNANYOUXIAOXUEQUANYOUDEFENGGUANG,ZHEISHIHOUHAIZIKENDINGHENZHEJI,JIAZHANGBUNENGBIHAIZIGENGLIUSHENWUZHU,YAOJITAZHAODAOFANGFADESHIJIAN,BINGJIJIGULI。JIAZHANGHEHAIZIDEHUDONG,BUGUANGSHI“SHUO”DEHUDONG,GENGDUODESHI“XIN”DEHUDONG。YOUDIAOCHAXIANSHI,“SHUO”ZAIJIAOYUZHONGZHIYOU7%DEXIAOGUO,ERYUQIYUDIAO、ZHITIYUYANDENGDENGFEIYUYANYINSUQUENENGQIDAO90%YISHANGDEXIAOGUO。 

  GUANNIANPIAN 

  JINMINGQIANG(JIANGXINDAOSHIYANXUEXIAO):HESHENGAOTONGBUZAIZHANGDESHIHAIZIDESIXIANG,HAIZI1SUISHIZAIYONGDEJIAOYUFANGFABUDENGYUHAIZI8SUISHIYENENGJIANXIAO,ERHAIZIDESUOWEI“WENTI”YEHUISUIZHENIANLINGDEZENGZHANGCENGCHUBUQIONG,ZHEIGEJIEJUELENEIGEYOUMAOCHULAI,YINCI,“XUEXI”DUIMEIYIGEJIAZHANGLAISHUOTAIZHONGYAOLE,XUYAOZAIJIAOYUFANSIZHONGBUDUANXUEXI,BUDUANXUNZHAOSHIHETADEJIAOYUFANGFA。 

  ZAIFANSIGUOCHENGZHONG,YAOZHANGWOLIANGGEYUANZE:BUYAORANGJIAZHANGJUGAOLINXIADESHENFENLAYUANLEYUHAIZIXINYUXINDEJULI;JIAZHANGSHIHAIZIZUIHAODEJINGZI,NIDEJUSHOUTOUZUBINIDETANHUAGENGJUYINGXIANGLI。 

  XUDAIYUE:“YINGXIANGDAYUJIAOYU,GUANXIDAYUNEIRONG”,JIUSHISHUO,FUMUZAISHENGHUOZHONGDEXIJIE,QIYINGXIANGDAYUNIDUIHAIZIDEJIAOYU;JIATINGCHENGYUANXIANGHUZHIJIANDEGUANXI,QIYINGXIANGDAYUJIAOYUDENEIRONG。 

  DANGHAIZIYOUJINBUYOUGAIBIANDESHIHOU,YAOBAGONGLAOGUIGONGYUHAIZI,QIANWANBIEBA“WOJINIQINGDEJIAJIAO”、“WOQIZAOMOHEIDIDANGHOUQIN”GUAZAIZUISHANG,YAOKENDINGHAIZIDENULI。SHIYINGHAIZIDEGEXING,JISHIGAIBIANZIJIDEJIAOYUTAIDUHEFANGFA,DUIJIAZHANGLAISHUOYESHIYIZHONGYOUXIAODEXUEXI。 

  WUQUAN:JIAZHANGBUYAOZHIWANGYOUYIGEJIAOYUFANGFANENGGUANZHUHAIZIYIBEIZI;JIAOYUGUOCHENGJIUSHIJIAZHANGHEHAIZI“DATAIJIQUAN”DEGUOCHENG,WANGWANGYIROUKEGANG;HAIXIANGSHUOYIJU,JIAZHANGYAOYOUYIKEPINGCHANGXINQUYUENAZIJIDEHAIZI,NIMENSHITADEFUMU,NIMENDOUBUXINSHANGTA,SHEILAIXINSHANGTA?HAIZIHENDUOWENTIQISHISHIJIAZHANGDEWENTI。 

  WENGYANYAN:XUYAOJIAZHANGRANGZIJIDEXURONGXINSHAOYIDIANZAISHAOYIDIAN,ZUNZHONGHAIZIDESHIJIE,CAINENGLEJIETAXINGSHIDELIYOU,YAOZUOYIGEYOUXINDEJIAZHANG。 

  DAYIPIAN 

  JINGTOUYI:HAIZIZUOYEWEISHENMETUOLA 

  ERZIJINNIANDUCHUYI,QITAFANGMIANBIJIAOGUAIQIAO,JIUSHIZUOZUOYEZUIRANGCHENGNVSHITOUTONG,“WORANGTA10DIANZUOWAN,TAKENDINGYAOTUODAO11DIAN,MEIYOUYICIANSHIWANCHENG。”“NINYOUMEIYOUHEERZIGOUTONGGUO,TAWEISHENMEBUNENGANSHIWANCHENGZUOYE?”XUDAIYUELAOSHIWEN,ZAIDUIERZIYIFANSHULUOHOUCHENGNVSHIWUYIZHONGTULUDEYIJUHUA,RANGQUANCHANGLAOSHIQISHENGFACHUGANTAN。CHENGNVSHIZHEIYANGSHUO:“ERZICENGJINGSHUO,ZAOZUOWANZUOYE,MAMAHAIYAOJIWOJIAQITANEIRONG。” 

  “KEJIAN,HAIZIMINGBAI,WORUGUOZUODEKUAI,MAMAMASHANGYAOQIUWOZUODEQUANDUI,RUGUOZUODUILE,MAMAHAIYAOWOZUODEGENGDUO。ZUOZUOYESHIGEMEIYOUJINTOUDESHI。”WUQUANLAOSHIRENWEI,HAIZIZHISUOYIBUNENGANSHIWANCHENGZUOYE,ZHENGSHIBEIMAMAPANGDADEZUOYELIANGHEPALE。FENGZHUOHENGLAOSHIYERENWEI,CHENGNVSHIDEWENTICHUZAIJIERZITAIYUANDEMUBIAO,“BUYAOYIKAISHIJIUJITANEIMEGAOYUANDEMUBIAO,YAORANGTALIMUBIAOGENGJINYIXIE,SHENCHUSHOUJIUNENGGOUDAO,FOUZETAJIUSHIQULEDADAOMUBIAODEXINXIN。” 

  DAJIAJIANYI,JIHAIZISHEDINGYIGEQIEHESHIJIDEMUBIAO,BIRUGENERZIYUEDINGWANSHANG10DIANZHONGZUOWANZUOYE,DAOLE10DIANZHONG,WULUNZUOWANYUFOUDOUBAZUOYEBENHESHANG,JIBIANZUOYEMEIZUOWAN,YEYINGGAIRANGERZIQINGCHU,TAYAOZIJIQUMIANDUIXUEXIAODEGUIZHANGZHIDU,MIANDUIMEIWANCHENGZUOYEDECHUFA。LAOSHIMENYIZHIRENWEI:“ZAIZHEIZHONGGUOCHENGZHONG,QIANWANBUYAOBAHAIZIZIWOJIANCHA、JIUCUODENENGLIJIBAOBANMEILE;YAORANGTAZAIZIWOFUZEZHONGCHANGDAOTIANTOU;HAIYAOSHANGSHIWEIZHU,10DAOTIZUODUILE7TIJIUZHIDEBIAOYANG,BUYAOBAZHUYILIFANGZAICUODE3TISHANG。” 

  JINGTOUER:RUHEMIANDUILAOSHIDEPIPING 

  LAICANJIACICI“LIAOBA”HUODONGDEHAIYOUYIWEINIANGUOQIXUNDEYEYE。ZHEIWEICHENYEYESHUO,SUNZIZAIXUEXIAOLIYIZHIBIJIAOYOUXIU,DANSHIQIANBUJIUFASHENGDEYIJIANSHIQINGRANGTAMENGANDAOHENKUNHUO。SUNZIXIANZAINIANCHUSAN,YOUTONGBANNVSHENGJITADIZHITIAOBIAODAAIMUZHIQING,LAOSHIBUYOUFENSHUODIBATAPIPINGLEYIDUN,RANGTAJUEDEHENWEIQU,DUIGAILAOSHIDEDIDUIQINGXUZHIJIETIXIANZAILEGAIXUEKECHENGJIDEXIAJIANGSHANG,CONGYUANLAIDE120DUOFENYIXIAZIXIADIEDAOLE80DUOFEN。HAIZIZENMEZHEIYANGNI?LAOSHISHUOJIJUYOUSHENMEGUANXINI?ZENMEXINLISUZHIHEZIWODIAOKONGNENGLIHUIZHEIMECHANI? 

  WANGQI(XIACHENGQUJIAOYUYANFAZHONGXIN):HAIZIZAICHENGZHANGGUOCHENGZHONG,SHIBIHUIPENGDAOGEZHONGQINGKUANG。JIAZHANGYAOZUODESHIZHENGQUEYINDAO,RANGHAIZIDEBULIANGQINGXUJISHIDEDAOSHUHUANHEJIEJUE。CHUSANDEHAIZIZHENGCHUYUYIGEBANCHENGSHUDEZHUANGTAI,TAMENJIYOUZHEZIJIDULIDESIKAOHEXIANGFA,TONGSHIHAICUNZAIZHEYIXIEXIAOXIAODEPIANZHIHERENXING。JIAZHANGYAOJISHIDIXIEZHULAOSHI,YUHAIZIJINXINGXINLINGDEGOUTONGHEJIAOLIU。XIANGZHEIJIANSHIQINGSHANG,YINGGAILIXINGDIGAOSUTA:LAOSHIYESHIPINGFANREN,CHULIWENTIYEHUIYOUSHIWUDESHIHOU,YAOXUEHUILIJIEHEKUANRONGLAOSHI。ZHENGSHICHUYUDUITADEZHONGSHIHEQIWANG,LAOSHICAIBUXIANGRANGRENHEYIDIANXIAOSHIYINGXIANGDAOTADEXUEXI。ERBUSHIJIANDANDIDUITASHUO:“LAOSHIJIRANDOUSHUONILE,NEINIZIJIJIUZHUYIYIXIABA”,ZHEIYANGDESHUOFAJIUHUIYINQIHAIZIBENNENGDEFANGAN。 

  BAODAOYANSHEN——XINLIFUDAOCAIDANJIJIANGCHULU 

  ZUOTIAN(11RI)DE“LIAOBA”HUODONGYIDUCHUXIANLAOSHIHEJIAZHANGZHIJIANDE“ZIYOUZUHE”XIANXIANG,GANLAICANJIAHUODONGDEJIAZHANGTAIXUYAOYOUZHENDUIXINGDEZIXUNFUWULE。JIWEIREQINGDEXINLIFUDAOLAOSHIRENWEI,YOUBIYAOZUZHIZHUANTIZIXUNHUODONG,BIRUQINZIGOUTONGWENTI、BIRUQINGCHUNQIJIAOYUWENTI、BIRUJIEJUEZHONGGAOKAOJIAZHANGJIAOLVQINGXUWENTIDENGDENG,GENGNENGDUIZHENGXIAYAO,LIAODEGENGSHENGENGTOU。

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